ADHD, Female and In Singapore

I lived in a system where compliance was expected. Keep your head down, follow the rules, don’t rock the boat. Where girls were meant to be quiet.

Enter Me. Generally described as “bull in a china shop.” [insert kawaii pose here]

I talked too much. Moved too fast. Asked too many questions. I wasn’t bad — just loud. Too expressive. Too intense. Too everything.

Growing up, I think I saw those looks. The tight-lipped smiles. The side glances from teachers. The whispered, "Aiyah, why she so like that?! CAN KEEP QUIET ANOT?!"

And to be honest, having ADHD probably protected me a little. I didn’t always notice those looks in the moment. I was too busy thinking about five different things and trying not to forget my homework and remembering that I really wanted to tell my teacher about this cool fact I learned about dolphins. [Okay, so I still forgot my homework.]

But still, the echo of those moments linger. I carry a strong residual feeling of too-muchness into adulthood.The quiet shame of never quite fitting into the mould which I'm slowly working through.

That said… my ADHD traits were also fiercely protective. In a system where nobody really asked questions — I couldn’t not ask. My curiosity wouldn’t let me. Impulse control says "No".

"Anybody else want to answer? No? Okay, fine then you can go," was the usual vibe. And I went. I answered. I questioned. I wondered out loud. And slowly, people began to expect it from me.

In those moments, my difference was seen as leadership. As drive. As potential. So I was propelled into leadership roles and camps. (Sometimes because I volunteered, desperate to be in new and novel situations, and sometimes just because I was the only one willing to speak up.

The constant talking? That got framed as curiosity. (Whewwww!)

So I got extended. Enriched. Offered extra challenges. Bridge Building competitions. SINDA programs. Little pockets of space where my brain got to move.

And when learning was hard — which it often was — I was lucky to be in a system where tuition wasn't just stigmatised, but the norm. What is tuition but the wonders of 1-on-1 time with a teacher who can answer all your random questions without the pressure of a class moving on. [Bless Mrs Tan for answering my twenty-one trillion "BUT WHY?"s]

I thrived in that space. Because I wanted to learn. I just didn’t always learn in the ways the classroom was set up for.

Looking back now, I'm proud of how the Singapore system embraced my neurodivergent strengths. Sure, ADHD made school harder, but in a way, the system was set up so that I could find ways to make it mine. I carved out spaces where my brain could be itself and meet its needs.... sometimes by luck, sometimes by resistance, sometimes by sheer force of personality.

And while the system wasn’t built for me and I ended up moving overseas, I still look back fondly on the opportunities I had and was offered. There are lots of people who think the Singapore system is overly rigid, and it's true that its rigidity may not meet many neurodivergent people's needs. There is privilege in the way I was able to take school by the reins and how I present. I'm still straddling the duality of the two worlds. Where I reframe the chaos and the struggles and unlearning shame and feeling less than, whilst recognising the opportunities it offered and where it could meet me. Does this resonate? Curious to hear your thoughts. Let's talk some more, lah. About the Author Sandhya Menon is an Autistic/ADHDer Psychologist who grew up in Singapore and moved to Australia for university, where she now lives with her husband and children. She was identified in 2021, with ADHD being her first diagnosis. She is possibly gifted, but thanks no thanks to ADHD having failed a lot of secondary school subjects, she's still working through believing this. She can be found at: Instagram: www.instagram.com/onwardsandupwardspsych Facebook: www.facebook.com/onanduppsych LinkedIn: Sandhya Menon | LinkedIn