Prominent Schemas in Asian Cultures and How Neurodivergence Complicates The Picture

As parents, the assumption lies in we all want our children to thrive, regardless of cultural origins. For families raising neurodivergent children, this journey comes with its own set of beautiful gifts and distinct challenges. In many Asian cultures, there can be additional pressures around academic achievement, social conformity, and a quieter expression of needs. In many cases, it makes it hard for neurodivergent children to truly flourish as their authentic selves. What is that barrier, and what happens if fundamental emotional needs are not or cannot be met? The basis of Schema Therapy is that children have fundamental emotional needs. For all children, when these needs are consistently met, they build a strong foundation for life. For neurodivergent children, the path to meeting these needs can look remarkably different. The way our brains process information, communicate, and interact, may not always align with typical expectations.

A culturally sensitive and neuro-affirming approach helps prevent the development of deep-seated negative patterns (what Schema Therapy calls maladaptive schemas). These often arise when our children feel misunderstood, pressured to conform, or unsupported in their true selves. Left unaddressed, these schemas can turn into significant impairments in psychosocial health in later adulthood.

Recurring Schemas in Chinese Culture & Neurodivergence

As an Australian-trained psychologist, we learn from our own upbringing and others' stories. While Schema Therapy originated in the West, its application is increasingly explored in Asian cultures. We believe early childhood core needs are universal, but their expression, the path to meeting them, and the resulting maladaptive schemas are heavily influenced by cultural factors. For neurodivergent individuals, whether knowingly or not, the presence of neurodivergence significantly complicates these cultural dynamics, often intensifying certain maladaptive schemas and contributing to significant mental health issues later in life.

Here are some of the common maladaptive schemas prominent in Asian cultures:

1. Subjugation (顺从): Suppressing one's own needs, desires and emotions, to avoid conflict, negative reactions from others, or comply with authority. Neurodivergent children, misinterpreting social cues or being pressured to mask, may learn to overly suppress their authentic needs and expressions, to be perceived as compliant and accepted, but lead to greater internal conflict as they grow.
   

2. Self-Sacrifice (自我牺牲): Prioritizing others' needs, often from a sense of duty or to maintain connection. Neurodivergent individuals may learn to sacrifice their own sensory needs, processing time, or special interests to fit in, leading to burnout and resentment.
   

3. Approval-Seeking / Recognition-Seeking (寻求认同): Excessively seeking external validation and approval, recognition from others, often at the expense of developing a secure and authentic sense of self. Driven by a strong desire to gain acceptance and avoid shame, neurodivergent children in their upbringing may exhaust themselves trying to achieve "typical" standards, often masking their true selves.
   

4. Unrelenting Standards (极高标准): Believing one must meet excessively high standards, for behaviour and performance, to avoid criticism, gain approval, or prevent perceived failure, can sometimes manifest as perfectionism. The intense academic pressure in many Asian families, combined with neurodivergent challenges in areas like executive function, can create overwhelming and impossible standards, leading to anxiety and failure schema.
   

5. Defectiveness / Shame (缺陷/羞耻): A pervasive feeling of being inherently flawed or unlovable. Misunderstood neurodivergent traits, “loss of face” (面子), and chronic criticism can deeply embed a sense of shame.
   

6. Emotional Inhibition (高度抑制情绪): Suppressing feelings, actions or choices, often to avoid disapproval, shame, or losing control. Asian cultures often value emotional restraint, self-control, and being sleek and sophisticated (圆滑/方圆之道). Being neurodivergent could mean challenges in understanding or expressing emotions, or black-and-white thinking and reactions, which can lead to severe emotional suppression and internal distress.
   

7. Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self (纠缠/捆绑/未能发展的自我): Excessive closeness and emotional involvement with significant others (often parents), hindering the development of a distinct identity and self-belief. In highly interdependent families, neurodivergent children may struggle to individuate, leading to a blurred sense of self and dependence.

Cultural Origins

Several schemas above are often rooted in Confucian values and collectivism that has existed for over 2,000 years：

·         Filial Piety (孝顺): This deeply ingrained Confucian value emphasizes respect, obedience, and care for elders, particularly parents. Children are often expected to prioritize parental wishes and family harmony over their personal desires. Many Asian adults continue to suppress one's own wishes to conform to parental demands. Beyond obedience, there's a strong expectation to comply and provide care to one’s parents and extended family, often involving significant personal sacrifice (e.g., career choices, living arrangements, financial contributions). The expectation to remain closely tied to the family, even into adulthood, can sometimes impede the individual's journey toward autonomy."

·         Respect (尊师重道) to Teachers/Authority: Questioning people of authority such as teachers can be seen as disrespectful, regardless of facts.

·         Collectivism: The group's needs (family, community) are often prioritized over individual needs. Harmony (和谐) is highly valued, and open conflict or disagreement is often avoided.

·         Familism (家庭主义/孝道/团结): Strong family bonds and interdependence makes it difficult for individuals to develop a separate identity, independent thoughts, and personal boundaries. Suppressing one's true feelings or needs is often a strategy to avoid conflict and maintain group harmony.

·         Emotional Restraint (情绪控制/克制): Traditional Asian cultures often value emotional restraint as a sign of maturity, wisdom, and social harmony. Significantly, a person’s ability to hide and become unaffected by their emotions is considered to have a high Emotional Quotient (情商). Open expression of strong emotions (especially negative ones) can be seen as disruptive or inappropriate (情商低).

·         Interdependence (相互依存): In collectivist cultures, individuals often define themselves through their relationships with others. Self-sacrifice often strengthens these interdependent bonds and contributes to group well-being.

·         Parental Investment: Parents often make immense sacrifices for their children, which can either create an unrealistic expectation for children to "repay" them (报答恩情/还债), or be felt by the adult child as emotional blackmailing (情绪勒索).

·         "Face" (面子) : This concept is central. Maintaining one's own face and not causing others to "lose face". Public image, reputation, and how one is perceived by the community significantly impact one's standing and self-worth. Individuals may strive for external validation to ensure their family's "face" is upheld. Showing vulnerability and mistakes publicly might be seen as "losing face" (丢脸).

·         Shame (羞耻): Failure can bring "shame" upon the family, leading to intense pressure to achieve and avoid mistakes. If an individual's perceived flaws or failures bring "loss of face" to the family, it can lead to intense internalized shame (自责). And the shame isn't just personal; it's collective. Growing up in environments with chronic criticism, particularly when combined with high expectations and a focus on flaws, can foster shame and defectiveness.

·         Social Comparison (对比/攀比): High emphasis on comparison with peers, relatives, and neighbours, particularly in academic or career achievements.

·         Stigma around Differences (耻辱/污名): Any perceived deviation from the norm (e.g., mental health issues, disabilities) can be heavily stigmatized, leading individuals to feel defective or ashamed.

·         Conditional Love/Approval: In some family dynamics, affection or approval might be perceived as conditional upon achievement or compliance, leading to the need for constantly seeking external validation.

·         Emphasis on Achievement (荣耀): Strong cultural value placed on academic excellence, career success, and hard work as pathways to personal and family honour.

·         Parenting: Traditional parenting styles might be highly critical and punitive (不打不成器), with little emphasis on positive reinforcement for effort. Even with achievement, one is expected to be humble (谦虚) as a virtue.

How Neurodivergence (Knowingly or Not) Complicates This

The presence of neurodivergence, whether recognized or not, can profoundly complicate these already sensitive cultural dynamics and exacerbate the development and impact of maladaptive schemas and later behavioural patterns that follow.

• Communication Differences: Neurodivergent individuals may struggle with complicated social cues, indirect communication, or emotional expression that is highly valued in collectivist cultures for maintaining harmony. This can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and a perception of rudeness or defiance.
  

• Social Expectations: Adhering to unwritten social rules, engaging in reciprocal conversation, consistently showing eye contact or participating in large family gatherings can be intensely challenging or overwhelming. Failure to follow, can lead to criticisms of being "antisocial," "difficult," or "weird," reinforcing Social Isolation, Defectiveness and Shame.
  

• Emotional Regulation: Meltdowns or intense emotional reactions, during sensory overload or executive dysfunction, directly contradict the cultural value of emotional restraint, leading to significant shame for the child and "loss of face" for the family.
  

• Face" and Stigma: A diagnosis of Autism (自闭症) or ADHD (多动症) are still heavily stigmatized in many Asian culture, often seen as a personal failing, a "defect," or even a source of shame for the entire family. Parents may internalize blame ("karma" 报应 or "bad parenting" 没有教养). This fear of stigma often leads to delayed diagnosis, secrecy, and avoidance of support services, worsening the health and wellbeing of the child and parents.
  

• Unrelenting Standards: The emphasis on academic achievement is often even higher for neurodivergent children, as parents may push harder to compensate for perceived difficulties or to ensure the child can still achieve "success" by cultural standards. These unrelenting standards can lead to burnout, anxiety, a sense of defectiveness, or shame.
  

• Lack of Understanding: Without proper diagnosis and psychoeducation, neurodivergent behaviours (e.g., fidgeting, hyperfocusing, communication differences, meltdowns) are often misinterpreted as intentional and defiance, poor discipline, laziness, or lack of intelligence. This leads to harsh criticism and punishment.
  

• Over-Protection/Control: Parents, driven by fear for their child's future or societal judgment, might become overly protective or controlling, hindering the child's development of self identity and autonomy. This can exacerbate Dependence, Incompetence and Enmeshment.
  

• Suppressed Identity: The pressure to mask or conform to neurotypical expectations in order to gain approval (e.g., forcing eye contact, suppressing stims) can lead to a profound Undeveloped Self, Approval-Seeking, Subjugation, and Emotional Inhibition. The child learns that their authentic self is not acceptable.
  

• Language Barriers & Cultural Competence: Even when families do seek help, finding culturally competent professionals who understand the intersection of neurodiversity and Chinese cultural values can be challenging. Standard Western therapy approaches might not resonate or might even clash with family values.
  

• Focus on "Cure" rather than "Acceptance": Not only due to the lack of understanding, but the behaviour tied with what I will call, collective maladaptive schemas, lead to more families seeking a "cure" for neurodivergence than accepting it and adapting supports.

The cultural context profoundly shapes how Core Emotional Needs are perceived, expressed, and ultimately met (or unmet). For neurodivergent individuals within Asian families, the interplay of traditional values, high expectations, and pervasive stigma around differences can unfortunately create fertile ground for maladaptive schemas. Recognizing these crucial intersections is the first step towards providing truly culturally sensitive and neurodiversity-affirming support. 

My hope is this blog helps more people understand our cultural context, fostering compassion-focused practices within and beyond our lives.

About the Author Sharen Lui (she/her) is a neurodivergent Educational and Developmental Psychologist, a Board-Approved Supervisor and an Autism and ADHD assessor. She is the Director of Sprout Psychology in Melbourne, which provides a niche service for neurodivergent clients, including psychotherapy, assessments, supervision, and workshops from a diverse clientele. You can find her work at: Instagram: multilingual.psych

LinkedIn: Sharen Lui | LinkedIn